Narration:

This paragraph is well written because it has a topic sentence which is developed and supported with examples. There are a number of other aspects to the paragraph which also make it worth a high result. There are a number of linking words – primarily, in addition, while. The writer has not repeated vocabulary. For example, government becomes centrally controlled, wealthy is changed to rich, less advantaged becomes poor and inequalities is mentioned again as disparities. Another positive aspect of this paragraph is the grammar – the writer makes suggestions with should, uses which to make a relative clause and uses the passive tense in ‘can be seen’.