Band 7
A real candidate answer at Band 7, with every examiner correction marked on it. 19 corrections.
A Band 7 answer is a competent answer. The corrections here are fewer and finer, and several are matters of precision rather than accuracy.
Reading a 7 alongside a 5 is the fastest way to see what the extra two bands actually consist of, and it is rarely what candidates expect.
Click any highlighted word to see the correction. The commentary at the foot of the page explains what holds the answer at this band overall.
The task
Read it before you read the answer, because Task Achievement is judged against this.
Task: Task 2
You should spend about 40 minutes on this task.
Write about the following topic:
Some people believe that children spend too much time watching television or playing computer games. They feel that this time could be used more productively. Do you agree? How do you think children should spend their free time?
Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.
Write at least 250 words.
The answer
Reproduced exactly as written, errors included.
In the present scenario of urban where both of the family are often working long hours to financial commitments.
In this situation, a child who is happy to time watching television or playing on a computer leaves the busy parent with more free time, and therefore can ease the that may otherwise develop.
In addition, children learn useful skills, especially with regards computer use. As information technology is important in our daily lives and professional lives, the ability to operate digitial devices with is increasingly important and as such is a skill best learned age.
However, that the child will not develop important social skills, as well as having a effect on their health, as they spend increasing amounts of time inside. Yet this can be somewhat by parents setting time limits on , and encouraging children to spend at least some time outside in more energetic pursuits or errands.
To it is in hands in directing children's to the right areas than having to let them choose and criticise them for their actions. Although technology can potentially be overused, it also has a useful place in the of young people.
(260 words)
Examiner comments
The overall verdict, criterion by criterion.
This essay is well structured and well presented with a good range of grammar.
However, some of the vocabulary could be more academically presented ('a horrible effect on health').
There are repeated errors with the word family used (developed instead of development).
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