Band 7
A real candidate answer at Band 7, with every examiner correction marked on it. 24 corrections.
A Band 7 answer is a competent answer. The corrections here are fewer and finer, and several are matters of precision rather than accuracy.
Reading a 7 alongside a 5 is the fastest way to see what the extra two bands actually consist of, and it is rarely what candidates expect.
Click any highlighted word to see the correction. The commentary at the foot of the page explains what holds the answer at this band overall.
The task
Read it before you read the answer, because Task Achievement is judged against this.
You should spend about 40 minutes on this task.
Write about the following topic:
In some countries, people who commit less serious crimes are made to undertake community service* instead of a prison sentence. Some people believe that all people who have committed a crime should be sent to prison.
Do you agree or disagree?
*compulsory work helping the community, such as decorating public facilities, which they must carry out in their spare time for a given period.
Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.
Write at least 250 words.
The answer
Reproduced exactly as written, errors included.
Many individuals think that the best way to punish those who any kind of crime should be to them to . and the following essay will explain why.
Unless , people who commit more minor crimes should be given another chance to correct their behaviour. Isolating a person in seems to solve the problem but some there are better solutions to make criminals think critically about their actions, such as .
Another point to be considered before sending a person to prison, specificially teenagers, is to evaluate the level of crime. There are a considerable number of delinquents that in anti-social behaviour; for fighting and shoplifting amongst youngsters is . However, bringing these people to prison most likely would not improve their behaviour inclusion of youth counselors be considered a great deal of help.
Admittedly, a point that could be made in support of the opinion that criminals should be sent to prison is that these while sentence and being deprived from many privileges would a crime for a second time; however, that and more than once.
To conclude, it is better for people who commit crimes such as theft or similar to be to work in the community during their free time. By doing so the individuals work would serve a good purpose and the government would have to spend less on .
(274 words)
Examiner comments
The overall verdict, criterion by criterion.
There are some clear strengths to this essay to the writer directly answers the question, the paragraphing is clear and the final body paragraph (the concession paragraph) is well argued.
However, there are a few issues with the choice and range of vocabulary (e.g. 'Jail' where 'prison' would have been more appropriate).
There are also a few errors in grammar ('should be to sent them..'). There are also some sections where the writing could have been more academic ('ended up in jail').
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