Band 7
A real candidate answer at Band 7, with every examiner correction marked on it. 23 corrections.
A Band 7 answer is a competent answer. The corrections here are fewer and finer, and several are matters of precision rather than accuracy.
Reading a 7 alongside a 5 is the fastest way to see what the extra two bands actually consist of, and it is rarely what candidates expect.
Click any highlighted word to see the correction. The commentary at the foot of the page explains what holds the answer at this band overall.
The task
Read it before you read the answer, because Task Achievement is judged against this.
You should spend about 40 minutes on this task.
Write about the following topic:
The mark of a successful person is to be wealthy and have a successful career.
To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.
Write at least 250 words.
The answer
Reproduced exactly as written, errors included.
Many people argue that success in life is related to being rich and having a . However, , there are several other factors that have to be considered, as .
Primarily, the definition of success can be extremely controversial. There can be as many types of as there are people. For example, the meaning of success for some people living in the countryside might be vastly different from living in the cities. In general, people in the countryside social respect and family values rather than . They seem to be happier when they feel respected by their relatives, or their are considered highly among their community.
Moreover, a considerable of people find their satisfaction in good education. They have to learn and gain more knowledge that is power and a way to lighten their minds and lives. To illustrate, many scientists have devoted their lives research to make a discovery or an invention, and even these people not have luxurious lives, not many can argue that they were not successful.
Furthermore, in many cases, by their outside appearance; that they are successful because they own, for example, a house, an expensive car, or a good business. owning these items would not always make them feel successful unless for , their family life is stable, their health is in good shape, or they really feel satisfied with what they have.
To conclude, I believe that there are many factors that should be taken into account besides before judging a person is really successful in his life.
(291 words)
Examiner comments
The overall verdict, criterion by criterion.
Although certain phrases could have been more academically expressed, this is a well presented response to the task and is laid out in logical paragraphs.
Avoiding the use of the personal pronoun 'I' would make the essay more academic, as well as upgrading some of the vocabulary (e.g. 'big cities' could be expressed as 'larger urban areas').
Linking words could also be improved, especially avoiding beginning a sentence with 'But'.
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