Band 6
A real candidate answer at Band 6, with every examiner correction marked on it. 22 corrections.
Band 6 answers communicate clearly. What holds them at 6 rather than 7 is usually consistency: the good sentences are good, and the weak ones are still frequent.
This is the band where progress feels slowest, because the obvious errors are gone and what remains is harder to see without someone pointing at it.
Click any highlighted word to see the correction. The commentary at the foot of the page explains what holds the answer at this band overall.
The task
Read it before you read the answer, because Task Achievement is judged against this.
You should spend about 40 minutes on this task.
Write about the following topic:
International air travel has a negative impact upon the environment and should therefore be restricted.
Do you agree or disagree?
Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.
Write at least 250 words.
The answer
Reproduced exactly as written, errors included.
It is reasonable to argue that flying by has negatively affected the air quality. Despite this, the minimizing of plane services is not and there are many reasons to justify this point of view.
Also, one reason that makes it to limit the number of airplane flights is that individuals have made their choice when they choose flying instead of other travelling viable alternatives such as trains. Although it has scientifically been that aeroplanes are the most significant polluters because of the release of carbon dioxide in the and the effect it has on the ozone layer, use air travel . , travelling by plane domestically should be reduced whenever possible.
Admittedly, is a point to be made in support of that should be restricted by raising the prices of tickets because this would encourage people to travel less; however, this would certain segments of society from travelling by plane.
In brief, there are serious problems connected with air travelling such as of carbon dioxide and the damage layer. In the meantime, there are many offered by airplane services to individuals, therefore chances to limit the use of planes are rare now and are likely to continue to be in the future.
(290 words)
Examiner comments
The overall verdict, criterion by criterion.
The main problem here is that the writer's organisation is not clear. It seems that there is no clear point of view apart from the introduction, and the topics of the paragraphs are not addressing of whether air travel should be restricted but whether it can be restricted.
There are some good examples of vocabulary and grammar, but also some instances where the spelling is incorrect or language used is not sufficiently formal for a Task II essay ('use the air travel mercilessly' for example).
The introduction, however, is good.
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