Band 6
A real candidate answer at Band 6, with every examiner correction marked on it. 21 corrections.
Band 6 answers communicate clearly. What holds them at 6 rather than 7 is usually consistency: the good sentences are good, and the weak ones are still frequent.
This is the band where progress feels slowest, because the obvious errors are gone and what remains is harder to see without someone pointing at it.
Click any highlighted word to see the correction. The commentary at the foot of the page explains what holds the answer at this band overall.
The task
Read it before you read the answer, because Task Achievement is judged against this.
You should spend about 40 minutes on this task.
Write about the following topic:
In some countries, people who commit less serious crimes are made to undertake community service* instead of a prison sentence. Some people believe that all people who have committed a crime should be sent to prison.
Do you agree or disagree?
*compulsory work helping the community, such as decorating public facilities, which they must carry out in their spare time for a given period.
Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.
Write at least 250 words.
The answer
Reproduced exactly as written, errors included.
There is a significant difference between all sorts of crimes; as a , there should be a in punishment .
To sum up, have different reasons why they commit a crime; also there are ranks of crimes. In undertaking community service as an example of punishment for less serious criminals is a very good step which must be taken seriously. Furthermore, it's that all people who have committed differing crimes are punished equally by putting them in prison.
(259 words)
Examiner comments
The overall verdict, criterion by criterion.
The essay uses simple linking words (first, second third), rather than the more academic options of 'Primarily' and 'In addition'.
The writer has touched on some ideas, but they are not fully developed. For example, in the first body paragraph, the writer states that there are different motives for criminal actions but then doesn't relate this to community service, only that criminals should be treated according to their actions. Paragraphs need to specifically tie in with the question.
A Task II conclusion should be the writer's final statement on the matter, not simply a restatement of earlier points to there should be a recommendation or a speculation.
However, the writer does use some good vocabulary and some accurate grammar, although a higher score would be awarded for more academic structures such as relative clauses (sentences that add extra information with who, that or which).
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