Band 5
A real candidate answer at Band 5, with every examiner correction marked on it. 35 corrections.
A Band 5 answer is not a bad answer. It is an answer where the meaning mostly gets through but the errors are frequent enough to interrupt the reader.
Band 5 is where the largest number of candidates sit, and it is the band with the clearest route out, because the problems are visible rather than subtle.
Click any highlighted word to see the correction. The commentary at the foot of the page explains what holds the answer at this band overall.
The task
Read it before you read the answer, because Task Achievement is judged against this.
Many countries around the world have conventions for people who have committed crimes to be community services such as working in community houses, neighbourhood houses, cleaning care of public parks. This is a positive way of dealing with the criminals in order to push them in direction. When people commit certain , not a wise decision for them to give due to many negative . Even though some people do believe that these individuals should be in prison, .
(256 words)
The answer
Reproduced exactly as written, errors included.
Comments:
The main problem here is paragraphing. The introduction is too long, accounting for nearly 100 words, followed by a single paragraph. There needs to be at least two body paragraphs (preferably 3) and a conclusion, all clearly differentiated from each other.
There is also a lot of repetition in your work to minor crimes, for example appears multiple times in the essay.
The final sentences suggests that the writer was about to prepare a concession paragraph (' still ') but this isn't clearly given.
The essay does not balance the arguments with considering either the victims' point of view or how the local community can benefit from the work the criminals are required to do under community service.
Examiner comments
The overall verdict, criterion by criterion.
For more student answers, click here
Full membership
Reading a corrected answer shows you what the errors look like. Finding them in your own writing is the harder skill, and it is the one that moves a band.
IELTStestONLINE assesses your writing and speaking against the four IELTS criteria, instantly and as often as you like, using a system built by a former IELTS examiner and examiner trainer. It keeps every score in one place with an estimated band, and it carries no advertising.
See what membership includesQuick question, 10 seconds
Where do you want to study or move to?
When are you planning to go?
How far along are you?
Want free IELTS practice sent to you?
Optional. Leave it blank and your answers are still counted.
Thanks. That helps.
Back to your practice.