Band 5
A real candidate answer at Band 5, with every examiner correction marked on it. 22 corrections.
A Band 5 answer is not a bad answer. It is an answer where the meaning mostly gets through but the errors are frequent enough to interrupt the reader.
Band 5 is where the largest number of candidates sit, and it is the band with the clearest route out, because the problems are visible rather than subtle.
Click any highlighted word to see the correction. The commentary at the foot of the page explains what holds the answer at this band overall.
The task
Note the three bullet points and who the letter is addressed to.
You should spend about 20 minutes on this task.
You recently became a member of your local leisure centre but you are unhappy with the services and facilities.
Write a letter to the Centre Manager. In your letter:
You do NOT need to write any addresses.
Begin your letter as follows:
Dear………………………
Write at least 150 words.
The answer
Reproduced exactly as written, errors included.
Dear Sir,
Kindly note, that your center last week aiming my time in socializing and creating new friendships.
During my visit to the center yesterday experienced a very awkward situation with one of the center staff was practicing on one of the machines the supervisor approached me and in a very rude way he informed me to stop using the machine and to leave the so he can close it but it was 10 minutes before offical closure time. when I tried to him that I still 10 minutes according to the rules, insisted that I should leave at once in the .
That behavior was to me as he didn't only the rules but he was not polite and didn't follow any business etiquette in communicating with customers.
I think the center should enroll their in to enhance their abilities in .
Sincerely
Eric Van Deen
(175 words)
Examiner comments
The overall verdict, criterion by criterion.
There are repeated issues with spelling ('Gem' for gym) and inappropriate use of capital letters.
Some sentences are overly long and the meaning is unclear or irrelevant to the topic. The writer has not used linking words effectively and punctuation is weak.
Grammar errors are common (' Yesterday I've' ), and paragraphing is not clear.
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