Band 6
A real candidate answer at Band 6, with every examiner correction marked on it. 14 corrections.
Band 6 answers communicate clearly. What holds them at 6 rather than 7 is usually consistency: the good sentences are good, and the weak ones are still frequent.
This is the band where progress feels slowest, because the obvious errors are gone and what remains is harder to see without someone pointing at it.
Click any highlighted word to see the correction. The commentary at the foot of the page explains what holds the answer at this band overall.
The task
The chart this describes is noted below.
You should spend about 20 minutes on this task.
The chart below shows the percentage of the population who lived in urban area in 2003 and an estimated figure for 2030.
Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
The original chart for this task is not currently shown. The answer below describes the data in full, so the report still reads correctly without it.
The answer
Reproduced exactly as written, errors included.
The information about the percentages of population living in rural and urban areas in and the whole world in 2003 and 2030.
In 2003, 48% of the population was living in urban areas in the whole world as average. The percentages in Africa and Asia were clearly lower than average, standing at 38% and 42% respectively. Meanwhile, the people in other areas, including Europe, South America and North America, . The proportion was between 70-80%. had the highest urban population proportion at 80%, roughly double to the percentages of African and Asian.
In 2030, it is estimated that more people will move to city. It will be 59% in the whole world. The increase in Africa and Asia will thanks to the relatively low percentages in 2003, 54% and 55% respectively. Though only changes in the other 3 areas, they still higher than the 2 areas, which between 79-85%. However, the highest proportion of urban population found in South America, which is likely to be 85% in 2030.
(225 words)
Examiner comments
The overall verdict, criterion by criterion.
This report is over 70 words longer than the requirement. The risk of writing so much over the word limit is that more errors are shown to the examiner, and points can be lost for not being coherent and cohesive. The writer needs to use a wider variety of expressions when talking about data. For example, 48% could be described as 'nearly half'. Showing a range of ways to express the information is important for a high result. It is also important to only write exactly what is shown in the graph to don't add any personal opinions or value judgements about the graph.
Some of the sentences are a little short, and would have been better combined to create longer, more academic sentences.
The writer uses 'will' to refer to the future, whereas the graph indicates that this is only estimated, so 'will' is too strong.
However, the report summarises all of the essential information, provides a clear overview of the trends and is written in a suitable academic style.
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