Band 5
A real candidate answer at Band 5, with every examiner correction marked on it. 13 corrections.
A Band 5 answer is not a bad answer. It is an answer where the meaning mostly gets through but the errors are frequent enough to interrupt the reader.
Band 5 is where the largest number of candidates sit, and it is the band with the clearest route out, because the problems are visible rather than subtle.
Click any highlighted word to see the correction. The commentary at the foot of the page explains what holds the answer at this band overall.
The task
The chart this describes is noted below.
You should spend about 20 minutes on this task.
The chart below shows how people travelled to work in 1996 and 2001.
Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
The original chart for this task is not currently shown. The answer below describes the data in full, so the report still reads correctly without it.
The answer
Reproduced exactly as written, errors included.
The chart below demonstrates how people used to travel to work in 1996 and 2001 in Grahamston. There are 7 of transportation to be selected from: . mode was by the use of the car or truck which 77% in the year 2001. Still, that in 1996, which was 56% but still the highest in that year. there was a difference of 11% (private vehicle passenger) from the use of car or truck in the year 1996 and 2001. The rest were all 10% or less in both 1996 and 2001. In 1996, 'other' or public transport were 9%, 10% respectively. While 'walked' or 'walked at home' 6% and 5% respectively. 'Bicycle' was the least favorite in that time (1996).
(165 words)
Examiner comments
The overall verdict, criterion by criterion.
One of the main issues here is the lack of paragraphing, but also there are a number of occasions where the vocabulary used is too informal. Also, throughout the report, the writer is very specific with the data (77%, 56% etc) where using a wider range of expressions would have been better. For example, 77% could be 'just over three quarters of the total'. There are also significant errors with grammar and sentence construction.
On the positive side, the writer has covered the main points and striking trends, and some of the expressions used are academic.
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